The Rock
by maxini-sama
Summary: A funny little fic involving Tamahome, Tasuki and yes, even Nakago, chained naked to a rock


THE ROCK  
By Maxine Taylor  
  
Alone in the middle of the calm, blue ocean, there was a rock.  
And to the rock, two men were chained, heavy iron bands around their ankles.  
And these two men, alone and shackled like prisoners, were very, very naked.  
"Argh! Tamahome, this is all your fault!" screamed Tasuki, who was concentrating extremely hard on keeping his hands over his crotch.  
"How is it my fault? This wasn't my idea!" Squeezing his legs together, Tamahome reached over and began pummeling Tasuki's exposed chest.  
"Hey! Stop it!" Tasuki instinctively twisted sideways and wrapped his arms protectively about himself. "Well...well...you could have stopped them at least!"  
"Yeah, well, you could have too!"  
"Don't turn this around on me!"  
"Um...Tasuki....?"  
"Now what?!"  
"I can...um...see...you."  
He moved quickly to return his hands to their original duty. "Pervert!"  
"I am not! I couldn't help it.... It was just...there."  
Tasuki sniffed indignantly.  
Tamahome sighed and rubbed the side of his nose. "Well, if we ever do get off this rock, I am definitely going to give Miaka a piece of my mind."  
"Me too. She didn't even ask us - she just sort of...volunteered us."  
"This is no way to treat two members of the Suzaku Seven."  
"I mean, yes, we weren't around to protect her but...."  
"Nothing happened."  
"Nothing really horrible, anyway."  
"Nothing that couldn't be fixed."  
"Exactly."  
They laughed together, each remembering the circumstances that had brought them to this isolated prison.  
  
The countless objects scattered haphazardly about the room gave silent testament to the horrors the day had seen. They were an odd assortment: vacuum cleaners, dehydrators, Garden Weasels, and other strange electrical gadgets. And, in the center of it all, curled up and crying in a fetal position, sat Miaka. Around her, on the periphery of the vast pile, stood the seven Suzaku warriors, their faces contorted in varying degrees of abject shock.  
Miaka was relating a story, choking out the words between ragged sobs. It was difficult to hear her, but the seven young men strained to catch every syllable.  
"....So after that, the five of you left and Tasuki and Tamahome went into the den to watch some TV and...and...." A fit of coughing cut her short and her audience looked for some way to pass the time.  
"Well, we had to go," offered Nuriko, "we needed to get groceries and we figured you'd be safe with only two of the Suzaku Seven." Everyone looked to Tamahome and Tasuki.  
They were trying extraordinarily hard to blend into the wall.  
Miaka gave an enormous sigh and lifted her head up to continue. "But they left, they snuck out and I didn't realize it. I was in the kitchen, making blueberry muffins, and the doorbell rang. So I went to answer it and...oh gods, look what happened!" She gestured wildly about her at the assorted items.  
"What exactly happened, Miaka? You must tell us," Chiriko urged, his young voice light and calm.  
"Oh, it was horrible. At the door...there was a...a...a traveling salesman. And before I could stop him, he went into his spiel. He made everything sound so wonderful. I had to buy it, I just had to! No one was home to stop me so I just went ahead and broke everyone's piggy bank so I'd have enough money. I'm so sorry," her confession was threatened by another massive onslaught of tears, "but he made everything sound so important!"  
"So...all our money is....?" Hotohori was afraid to draw the obvious conclusion.  
"Gone!"   
Again, all eyes turned to Tasuki and Tamahome.   
"Where the hell were you two?" barked Nuriko.  
"Well...."  
"WHERE?"  
"Ok, ok. We saw a commercial on TV about the grand opening of this new place and we decided we'd slip out for a while and check it out." Tamahome shut his mouth, evidently feeling satisfied with the explanation he had given.  
"And exactly what 'place' might that be?" Nuriko was relentless, you had to give him that.  
Both men were silent.  
Nuriko cracked his knuckles.  
The pressure was too much for Tasuki, who broke into a loud wail. "A strip joint! It was a strip joint!"  
You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed.  
Mitsukake finally broke it, his words so reasonable and simple. "Well, we need to think of a fitting punishment."  
That seemed to break the ice and everyone except Tasuki and Tamahome began to talk at once. Plans were formed and dissolved as new and better ones took their place. The room was alive with the fever of revenge.   
Tasuki and Tamahome were very, very afraid.  
Finally, Chichiri called for silence. "I've got a good plan, you know. There's a sea serpent that lives off the coast, and it's said that if you sacrifice someone to him, it'll bring good luck, you know. Maybe then Fortune would smile upon us and we'd get out money back."  
Everyone seemed to love this idea. Everyone, that is, except the two sacrifices.  
"Oh yes, there's one other little detail I forgot to mention," warned Chichiri.  
"What's that?" several people asked at once.  
"The sacrifices have to be naked, you know."  
  
The sun beat down with merciless fury, its beams captured and reflected a thousand times across the boundless water. The rock heaved slightly up and down with the gentle swells of the sea. The sky above was clear and blue and very pristine.  
The sky was being yelled at.   
"Why? Oh gods, why? We're going to die out here on this forsaken floating boulder!" Tasuki fell onto his stomach, the side of his face pressed hard against the smooth surface of the rock. He swore, this time at the sea and then at Tamahome, before his words were lost completely in sobs.  
For his part, Tamahome was trying to remain calm. He lay on his back, eyes closed, panting slightly. His tongue lolled out before he could stop it and it took a considerable amount of energy to get it back in his mouth.  
"It's so hot....The sun....It's funny - we're surrounded by water but I'm dying of thirst."  
Tasuki mumbled something.  
"What was that? Hey, Tasuki, are you still alive? Oh no! Speak to me! Tasuki! TASUKI!!!"  
Tasuki lifted his head up. "Shut up! I'm not dead - not yet. I said, 'Maybe if we could get in the water, it might be cooler.' Of course, that doesn't do me a lot of good, considering that I can't swim."  
"But you might have something there. Close your eyes."   
"Why?"  
"Just do it."  
"Not until you tell me why."  
"JUST DO IT!"  
"All right, all right." Tasuki lay his head back down and closed his eyes.   
Tamahome stood, stretched, and walked as close to the edge of the large rock as his chains would allow. He was, however, still several feet from the edge. He took one chain in both hands and tugged. Nothing happened. He pulled harder. The chain was victorious yet again. He stopped and sat, exhausted from the effort. He happened to glance over at Tasuki.  
Tasuki's eyes were open.  
"What are you....? I told you not to look!"  
"I...I...I-I-I-I...."  
"YOU WHAT?"  
"I just wanted to see what you were doing!"  
"Liar! Pervert! You were trying to...to...to rape me with your eyes!"  
"W-What?!"  
"I can't believe you! We're stranded on a rock, in the middle of nowhere. If we don't die from dehydration or exposure to the elements, we'll probably become sea serpent food. And all you can think about is my body!"  
"What the hell are you talking about?!"  
"Since we're going to die out here, you might as well tell me."  
"Tell you...what?"  
Tamahome laughed coyly. "How you feel about me."  
"How I....?"  
"How you've had a crush on me ever since we met."  
"I think...you've been out in the sun for too long."  
"No no, you don't have to hide your feelings anymore."  
"I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS!!!"  
"It's okay, we're alone. Tell me everything."  
"All right, I will. For starters, you're a sick, twisted, misguided FREAK!"  
Tamahome continued, oblivious. "Now, I must tell you that I like Miaka. You see, I'm normal - I like girls. But that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you-"  
"SHUT UP!" Had anyone been there to see the fight that ensued, it would have appeared only as a whirling ball of green and red hair, naked flesh, and iron chains. The rock began to pitch under the force, titling first to one side and then to another. The water surrounding the rock frothed and foamed as the heaving gave way to violent lurching.   
What happened next took the two combatants totally by surprise, although any casual passer-by would have merely shook his head and murmured a quick "I told you so." Tasuki and Tamahome were without an audience, however, and far tol embroiled in their own affairs to take stock of their shifting battlefield.  
One moment they were struggling together, scraping knees and elbows against unyielding stone, and the next they were plunging into the clear, cold ocean as the rock tipped onto one side.  
"I can't swim! I can't swim! Oh, dear gods, I can't swim! I'm too good-looking to die!" came Tasuki's screams above the din the toppled rock had caused. Floundering hopelessly, he grasped blindly for anything that would keep him above water. His hands brushed a small outcrop on the rock, but he was already falling away into the deep blue sea. Visions passed before his wild eyes; he saw his life played out in tableaux as if it were of no more consequence than a play. It was painfully short and shockingly boring. He shut his eyes against the images, his mind slipping into a deep reverie as a greater darkness gathered in front of his closed lids. With the last ounce of his strength he reached out again, though he had already given himself up for dead.  
His hand, however, grabbed something solid.   
He resurfaced with a gasp, clutching in a death grip the lifeline he had not expected to find.  
The sheer joy of being alive was almost too much for him. Wrenching his eyes open, he gazed lovingly at the world he had thought he'd never see again....  
....And came face to face with a smiling Tamahome.  
Tasuki gave a nervous, tittering laugh, almost too afraid to look down to where his hand still clutched whatever it was that had saved his life.  
It was Tamahome's muscular thigh.  
He could find no words to express his utter disgust.  
Tamahome smiled. "Ah, you aren't afraid to finally show me how you feel."  
For lack of any better reaction, Tasuki fainted.  
Tamahome dragged himself and the body of the unconscious Tasuki up onto the rock as best he could. Still shackled , the chains' anchoring was now partially submerged, and he could only reach a small ledge perhaps two-thirds up the massive rock.  
The sun sailed passively on.  
  
Tasuki was awake, but he was not on speaking terms with Tamahome.  
He crouched on the far side of the ledge, his back to his companion, his gaze falling on what he had grown to regard as his inevitable and watery grave.  
In fact, he had been staring for so long at nothing in particular that when he finally saw something, it took several long moments to register in his mind. It appeared white and shining, moving towards them on the gentle swells of the open sea. It was still too far away to discern any other details besides these, but it was definitely coming closer, and it was doing so at an alarming speed.  
Even Tasuki's brain, dehydrated and inherently slow as it was, could make connections.  
"SEA SERPENT!" he screamed, jumping up and jabbing wildly with his finger out at to sea.  
Tamahome, who had been quietly trying to etch his will in the rock with his toenail, twisted violently around. He looked to where Tasuki pointed.  
Without a word, he shifted to his knees and began to pray:  
"Dear gods, this is Tamahome. Do you remember me? Well, you probably don't, it's been awhile. Anyway, I'm in real trouble right now and I sort of need your help. You see, I'm on a rock with a naked pervert and-"  
"Hey!"  
Tamahome did not miss a beat. "-there's a sea serpent headed this way. Which of course would be fine, except it wants to eat us, which is definitely not fine. So, maybe one of you could maybe see to smiting it down with lightening or giving it heart attack or whisking me off this rock to a place with beautiful girls. Well, either one of the first two would be great, the last is just a sort of bonus I might get...."  
"Enough already! We don't need prayers, we need...we need...what do we need? We need a plan, that's what we need! All right, Tamahome, what's your brilliant plan?"  
"Well, you see, I don't really have one."  
"The hell you don't. You were always such a kidder. Why don't you just tell me the plan." Tasuki was almost in hysterics.  
"Well, we are the chosen of Suzaku; we should be able to defend ourselves."  
"That's all very well and good, except for the almost insignificant fact that we're NAKED AND CHAINED TO A ROCK!"  
By this time, the sea serpent had covered a considerable distance. Squinting into the sun, both men tried to get a better look at their opponent.   
"Is it just me or does it look like a ship?" asked Tasuki.  
"Yeah, it does. But, then again, how do we know what a sea serpent looks like? Have you ever seen one?"  
"No. It really does look like a ship though, doesn't it?"  
They waited until it drew even nearer.  
"It is a ship!" both cried at once.  
It was a ship. More precisely, it was a powerboat. It was pure white, its fiberglass hull glistening in the noonday sun. The motor worked furiously behind it, forcing the bow high up out of the water. Thoughts of deadly monsters turned to frenzied hopes for rescue.  
As if of one mind, both Tasuki and Tamahome jumped as high as they could into the air (which, thanks to the chains, was not very high), waving wildly and shouting to this newfound savior. Their efforts were, of course, unnecessary, for the craft had already chosen a course for the rock.  
As it pulled nearer, the two prisoners struggled to make out the powerboat's owner. There was a mane of flowing blond hair. There were dazzling blue eyes, deeper in color than any ocean.   
There was Nakago.  
There was Nakago pointing.  
There was Nakago laughing.  
There was Nakago doubled over, clutching his sides.  
As the boat pulled up alongside the floating prison, Nakago shut off the motor, dropped anchor, sat back on his heels, and had himself another hearty chuckle.  
Neither Tasuki nor Tamahome were very pleased. They felt their nakedness and were terribly embarrassed.   
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" The subsiding laughter made it hard for him to get the words out.  
"It isn't what you think, Nakago," came Tasuki's brusque reply.  
"Oh no, I'm sure it's much worse. I didn't know you guys were into such strange S&M stuff. You put me to shame."  
The prisoners' faces turned several shades of green.  
"It's kind of like that Survivor show, but the X-rated version, isn't it?"  
"Go to hell." Tamahome made sure his hands were covering as much as they could.  
"Oh no, I'd much rather stay here and watch this."  
"I bet you would, you pervert."  
"Tamahome, you're in no position to be calling me that. Oh, and by the way, your hands aren't really hiding much."  
Tamahome nearly died.  
"Excuse me just a moment," came Nakago's cheerful voice as he bent down to rummage in the bottom of the boat.  
Tamahome and Tasuki exchanged nervous expressions as Nakago re-emerged, now holding a camera. "Look what I have," he announced, "my shiny new camera. How lucky for all of us. What's that expression? Ah yes! 'Take a picture, it lasts longer.'" He moved the camera up to his eye, zooming the lens in and out several times.  
He never got to take the picture, however.  
The idea of having their humiliation immortalized in an 8 x 10 color glossy was too much for either Tasuki or Tamahome to bear. With a collective "Noooo!" they jerked forward, heedless of the chains. The chains, however, proved to be no problem, breaking easily under the strength of their enraged captives. Both men flung themselves into the water, arms outstretched. Even Tasuki's fear of water and inability to swim were momentarily forgotten as determination and instinct kicked common sense flat on its ass. They clambered up the side of the boat, descending like wolves upon the still uncomprehending Nakago.  
The camera made a beautiful arch before it crashed below the surface of the water, lost forever.  
Nakago cried out as he was hoisted bodily into the air and out of the boat. He fought valiantly, but he was no match for the frenzied men. His head struck an outcropping as he was dragged up the rock and his world went suddenly black.  
The Suzaku warriors' work was done quickly and without ceremony. They commandeered the boat, raised anchor, and set a course for home.   
Their laughter filled the empty sea.   
  
Nakago woke from the nightmare-plagued slumber that had been his only companion for so many hours.   
Something was wrong; something had woken him prematurely from those horrible dreams.  
His eyelids were crusted from the salt of the ocean spray and it was difficult to open them even partially. His blue eyes peered out from under tangled eyelashes, seeking out the source of his anxiety. The sun was low and extraordinarily red, its crimson rays blending the horizon into the most beautiful colors. Several stars were already making themselves visible, undaunted by the setting sun.   
A soft breeze ran along Nakago's extended body, rife with the smells of the sea.  
It was surprisingly cold.  
The realization that he was naked came quickly, forcing itself into the forefront of a mind still sloughing off the heavy coils of troubled sleep.   
This epiphany made him uncontrollably nervous.  
He closed his eyes and silently cursed Tasuki and Tamahome; for he had no doubt that they were responsible for this...this...unforgivable lack of clothing.  
The attempt he made to stand was short-lived and futile.  
His left arm and right leg were shackled to the rock with the remains of the very same iron chains that had held the two Suzaku warriors.  
His nervousness melted into uneasiness.  
He turned his head to the side (simply because that was all he could really do) and opened his eyes more fully.  
Its long, tapering neck extended over the rock, the largest sea serpent Nakago had ever laid eyes upon watched him in silence. This is not to say that Nakago had seen many sea serpents, or even one, but he had an inherent understanding and appreciation of their size. And he knew this one was enormous.  
He saw his own prostrate figure reflected in the creature's endless eyes. Those eyes were calm, however, inspecting him, as it seemed, with only a mild curiosity.   
The set of the massive jaw, however, spoke only of hunger.  
And as that jaw opened, revealing row upon row of shiny, pointed teeth, Nakago began to cry.  
He cried like a little girl.  
And he could not stop.  
  
  



End file.
